i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
