Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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