If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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