he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
