i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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