Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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