At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
