Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
