real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
