But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
