the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
