I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
