He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
