its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
