I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
