i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
