I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
