do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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