i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
