You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
