I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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