Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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