I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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