So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
