checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
