Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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