Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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