ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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