he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
