Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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