Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize