Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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