My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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