I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
