Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
