Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
that is very illegal...i love you.
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