It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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