I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
