whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So many bounce houses so little time
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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