i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
