It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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