you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
