There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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