i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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