so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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