bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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