It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
