I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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