is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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