Im at strip club and am horny
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
