my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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