i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
