your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
