Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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