I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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