Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize