I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
