How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
