Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
