So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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