Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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