Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
