Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
