my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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