Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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