he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize