My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
