ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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